I was flipping through the latest Town & Country bridal magazine and stumbled across a parade of ads for Vera Wang. The usual suspects were there: the bridal gowns, the bridesmaids dresses, the tabletop goods, the jewelry, the stationery, the Wang-appointed suite at the Halekulani in Honolulu... and then... mattresses?!
Mattresses?! The Vera Wang mattress?
Yes, apparently mattresses, too. The Vera Wang mattress by Serta.
For an unintentionally hilarious and quasi-disturbing experience, go to Serta and click on old Vera's picture and watch a little video wherein the mattress mistress herself tells you in her nasal New Yawker voice how a mattress needs to be "romaaaantic" and how "life is but a dream" whilst rolling about on her mattress collection in her signature black adult footie-pajama-leggings or whatever it is that she always wears that make her look like a Cirque du Soleil performer.
Further, here are some words of mattress-aesthetic wisdom from Vera's marketing machine:
In designing her mattress collection, Vera Wang turned to what she knows best - bridal. The Bridal bed is luxury at its simplest and most elegant. Inspired by one of the designer's best-selling bridal dresses, the fabric on this Mega Eurotop mattress is woven with holographic thread to truly make it sparkle.
"Inspired by one of the designer's best-selling bridal dresses?" Oops. I think I know which one that is, too. Take a look at the ad again and see if you can figure it out.
Tell me, readers, how would you feel if you and your beloved saw a $1500 pillowtop mattress at Billy Bob's Beds bearing the same sparkle and quilting pattern as your $5000 Vera Wang gown?
Don't get me wrong. I really love Vera Wang's design sensibility. Her personal look, not so much. The whole black-on-black leaves a bit to be desired; it never changes. But her collections are nearly always beautiful. Her china patterns are graceful, the flatware is very pleasing and hefty in the hand, the crystal is elegant...
Even the jewelry quite nice. Take a look at the Fine Jewelry. I've heard, however, that the micro-pavé is only for the daintiest and low-impact of jewelry wearers, even more so that normal micro-pavé. And I am not thrilled about how she is moving decidedly downmarket with some of her pieces. Some are going for as little as $350 at mall jewelers, and I think it dilutes and compromises her brand.
And that's really what this is about, isn't it? Branding?
She's selling the Vera Wang lifestyle and the Vera Wang brand. The Vera Wang Bride needs Vera Wang shoes, Vera Wang bridesmaids, Vera Wang registry items, Vera Wang invitations, Vera Wang perfume, Vera Wang lingerie, and, apparently, a Vera Wang mattress. All of it, thus far, in good taste. But she's teetering on the precipice, no? Is she going to jump the shark in the manner of Fonzie? I am exhausted from typing "Vera Wang" and I know you're tired of reading it.
It's like total world domination.