Elizabeth Hurley, celebrity shill for Chopard and many others, is currently engaged to this poor bastard, Bombay businessman and cricket player Arun Nayar even though the water and food in India make her violently ill. Sounds like a match made in heaven!
In preparation for her wedding, at which she sincerely hopes no pesky non-celebrities attend, lest they bother her and stare at her, she is, um, taking damn elephant-riding lessons.
Elephant-riding lessons? Why? The Insufferable One is taking elephant-riding lessons so she won't risk looking "inelegant" when she makes her grand entrance at her wedding on a damn elephant. Elephant. Oliphant. Elefante. Heffalump. Dumbo. Big guy. Hard to miss.
On the largest land mammal. So everyone can indeed stare at her after all. Is it okay if celebrities stare at you, then, Liz? I see.
Further, Elizabitch apparently has no engagement ring, which probably makes it easier for her justify not washing her mitts at parties.
God, she is a pain in the ass, isn't she? Talk about inelegant. Look at her in that Chopard tiara in that photo, arms akimbo. Eek. She's so... ick.
He's all, "Where's a cute, young, impressionable Bollywood princess when I need her? I'm sure she wouldn't complain about the kebabs or get sick."
(photo from Chopard)